Guilt
by Daemonette19
Summary: Avery Khan and her crew try to cope with the deaths of their friends and associates on Taris .... and the fact that they caused them.


Carth didn't think he'd ever her seen her look so small and vulnerable. The funny, vivacious, rebellious rogue he had worked with had disappeared leaving this frail, frightened woman. She sat curled into the lounge watching the holovid of Taris destruction over and over. Every now and then a single tear would course down her cheek. Sitting uncertainly beside her he tried to think of something, anything to lessen her pain. Finally after several failed attempts to start a conversation he reached out a hand to her face. She flinched but kept her strange violet eyes on the vid. Gently he pulled away the soft, dark lock of hair that she kept covering her left eye, "What are you hiding?" he whispered.

She stayed perfectly still, the only change to her posture a slight tensing of her shoulders and the way the tears had become a steady stream. The scar ran from above her temple towards her eye doubling back to curve along her cheek. It had the slick, shiny texture of a burn scar but the precision of a blade. Avery darted a quick glance at Carth, he was still with a solemn expression, "I don't remember how it happened, I was injured in a smuggling run out on the Rim. I lost my ship and my partner. The Republic picked me up not long after…. "

"You're a criminal!"

"You had to realise that, we raided our way through Taris"

"You helped all those people," Carth's voice rose with agitation.

"With illegally procured funds" her voice had taken on a harsher, sarcastic tone, "Not that it helped them much did it? They were better off without me, without us. They're dead, Onasi, Dead." Getting to her feet she headed out the room. As she turned the corner her hoarse whisper echoed back, "…and we did that."

Avery headed for the port cargo hold, her knuckles white from her grip of the vid. Her anger built until as she palmed the door open she threw the vid as hard as she could. Watching it shatter against the opposite wall she shrieked in frustration and fear. Her head snapped around as she realised there was someone else in the room. Canderous blocked her first reflexive blow, then staggered back under the force of her second. Recognising her need to lash out at something, to work off her anger and sorrow he drew his heavy blaster and set it aside on the workbench. Approaching her warily he reached out and unbuckled the bandolier and belt that held her pistols and blades. With them both unarmed Canderous knew there would be less chance of a fatal or crippling blow.

Watching the petite scoundrel closely he surprised her with a flurry of blows. Ducking her head to one side Avery felt the older mans fist graze past her temple. She managed to block most of his attacks then fell when he caught her across the jaw. Spitting blood, for a long moment she was mesmerised by the crimson splattered across the bulkhead. Suddenly all the emotions she had felt on Taris and about its destruction blossomed tenfold. Canderous was caught by surprise at the sheer fury with which she attacked him. Her eyes were like agates and the delicate lines of her face had hardened til she looked almost inhuman. Her feet and fists were like lightening but the more experienced and hardened warrior took any blows he was unable to avoid. He blocked hit after hit allowing her to wear herself out against him than began to exploit the mistakes Avery was making in her tiredness.

Slowly a smile spread across his craggy face, she was exceptionally skilled for someone who wasn't a professional soldier. As they sparred he watched her moves closely, when she had been angry her blows were sharp and precise, as if she had been formally trained, but once she had worked off her initial temper they became sloppy, sometimes desperate. Spinning her about he pinned her to the wall, the entire lean length of his body against hers. He hadn't been able to intimidate her physically or mentally, perhaps sexually would work.

Looking up at the scarred grizzled veteran looming over her Avery's mind spun frantically. The last few minutes were hazy, blurred. She resolutely turned away the thought that these fade outs were occurring more frequently and leapt headfist into the kind of emotional decision she worked best with, Wrapping her arms around Canderous neck and she hoisted herself up, winding her legs around his waist. Avery watched the various emotions flicker across his face for a moment before kissing him gently. When he didn't pull away she let the passion build until they were clawing at each other desperately. The last rational thought through her mind was that they needed this, _she_ needed this, this growing sense of reaffirmation, of mutual pleasure in a darkening, dying world.

"Watcha up to Carth?. Looking at anything interesting?"

"No, Mission. Just going over some old security logs" with a heavy heart he flicked off the screen, "Were you after something?"

" I was just looking for Avery you know? Big Z wanted to talk to her. He really likes being able to talk to someone in Shyriiwook again. Musta been kinda lonely for him you know?" The blue Twilek rattled on for a moment before she noticed the sickly expression on Carth's face. "Whoa old man, you're not gonna hurl are ya? Maybe you should go to the Medbay."

"I'm alright Mission. Just an unpleasant thought. Avery's with the Mandalorian at the moment. I don't think you should bother them"

"Oh…. Alright then. Hey Carth you wanna play some pazaak? I'll spot you a few cards"

"Sure thing Mission,"

And with that Carth set himself the task of not caring _(she's with him right now!)_, not remembering _(I can still feel her skin against my fingers_) not wondering _( how would she feel against me?). _He just hadn't thought it would be so damn hard.

This my first "published" fanfiction any advice is most welcome including whether or not I should make it chapter 1 in a novella or Story 1 in a serial of one-shots.


End file.
